


If Without You

by thatonedudewiththename



Category: Almost Human (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Constipated John Kennex, Emotionally Repressed, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 12:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21179078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonedudewiththename/pseuds/thatonedudewiththename
Summary: There’s always flowers blooming out thereI want to be in your armsI’m getting my hopes highI want your cold gaze to shine on meFill me up. Water meI’m gonna bloom, like a freesiaI want to be with you under the sunlightLet’s fly together above the meadows...In which John finally realises why he keeps thinking about Anna and Dorian in the same mindset.





	If Without You

**Author's Note:**

> i hate my old AH fic so i wrote another one  
also ive been watching the show again lately and it's stirring up some old feelings

A throbbing migraine and a constant aching all over his body greeted John when he awoke in the late morning, bright sunlight streaming through his blinds and only making his head hurt worse; squinting, he growled and rolled to his side so he could get up and get to his leg--  
_Thump._ “Fuck,” He whined; rolled too far, and now he looked like an idiot who’d fallen out of bed-- which he had, but he didn’t need to acknowledge that.  
As he struggled to get up and back on his feet-- er, _foot_\-- there were footsteps, then a familiar figure appeared in the doorway, his smooth, melodic voice asking with only slight humour, “Are you okay, John?”  
Great, now Dorian had to go and see him like this… John grimaced as the android crossed the room to help him to stand up, slinging his arm over his shoulder and walking with him to the charging table, where his leg was displayed very nicely; it’d taken a few beatings since Dorian had bought it for him, but it still looked just as nice as when he’d first got it. The fond memory had John smiling a bit, but as Dorian looked up at him with a smile as he slipped his leg on and calibrated it, he quickly wiped it away, replacing it with a scowl. Now two footed, he mumbled a thanks under his breath and left Dorian for the bathroom, hoping that a nice hot shower with lots of steam would make his body stop hurting and his migraine a little less intense; he striped down to his birthday suit and adjusted the water before getting in, sighing as the scalding water soothed away his pain, making him kind of sleepy. Taking up his loofah, he squirted a bit of soap on it, then began to wash his body, only getting about half down before a voice speaking to him made him jump and drop it, having to grip the shower wall to keep from slipping and becoming one of those old ladies in the Life Alert commercials he used to see on TV as a kid. “Hey man, I brought you something for your headache,” Dorian said, a vague outline of him visible through the misted glass of the shower door.  
Righting himself, John growled and opened it just enough to stick his head through, snapping, “Jesus fucking Christ, Dorian, you almost made me fall! Ever heard’a something called _knocking?”_  
The side of Dorian’s face lit up as he slightly cocked his head, expression apologetic; those pretty blue eyes stared into John, and for a second he forgot why he was mad. “I’m sorry, I thought you heard me come in. I will be sure to knock next time.”  
Scoffing, John ducked back into the shower so he could finish doing what he was doing, finding his loofah on the tiled floor and continuing in washing his body; he could still see Dorian standing outside the shower with those pills and a glass of water in his hands, and as much as he wanted to say it made him uneasy, it was actually kind of… nice, to have Dorian here. After Rudy got a girlfriend and she moved in with him, they’d both had found it kind of uncomfortable to be living together, so, with much protesting from John, Dorian’s charging pod had been moved here, and the android finally got what he wanted initially. It’d been about a week now, and surprisingly, John hadn’t found the transition from bachelor to bachelor + roommate all that difficult; he’d expected to be suffocated by Dorian, his weird quirks, and lack of understanding of personal space, but he’d been keeping to himself for the most part. He helped him out around the house, got him to work on time, made him coffee-- hell, he’d even cooked for him more than a few times. It was like--  
Like having Anna here again.  
No, not solely Anna, he thought as he washed his hair; like he was being taken care of, as though Dorian was his boyfriend. It’s not like he’d never dated a guy before, it was just…  
A rather solemn feeling washed over him as he rinsed out his hair, his eyes once again finding Dorian through the glass to his right, seeing him now reading something, and as he turned the water off and got out, a thought rang out in his mind:  
There was no one else like Dorian in the world, and only he was good enough.  
“Here, man,” Dorian gave him the medicine as John dried off, a little snort accompanying the action of him taking it, the android’s soft smile causing him to quickly look away.  
“Thanks,” He said under his breath, wrapping the towel he’d been using around his waist so he could go get dressed; he heard Dorian follow close behind, then speed up to be in front of him, reaching his closet before he did and standing in front of it. John stopped, slightly bewildered. “What’re you doing?”  
“Let me pick your clothes today.” Dorian said, that little simper still lighting up his countenance-- why was he so cheerful..?  
John snorted, turning to his left to get a pair of underwear out of his dresser. “No, not gonna happen.”  
He heard the sound of his closet doors being slid open and rolled his eyes. “I want you to try something different today, John,” Dorian said.  
As soon as those words were spoken, John was propelled into a flashback of the first time Anna said that to him, after she’d moved in and they’d woken up together; she’d insisted on picking out his clothes for work, and he’d gladly let her-- she had nice taste, after all. But now, with Dorian… and he wants to do that, it…  
He slammed his underwear drawer shut and dropped his towel, pulling on his boxer briefs and turning around to find Dorian standing there, holding a nicely wrapped box with a bow on it. John paused, brows furrowed in confusion and a hand out to touch it. “...What is this?”  
“A gift,” Dorian answered, hopeful eyes staring him down and arms holding the box pushing it into his chest a little bit. “I got this for you while I was out buying things for breakfast. It’s why I wanted to choose your outfit.”  
A wave of warmth flowed through John’s whole body as he took the box and unwrapped it, feeling his ears and cheeks turn red and his eyebrows, usually knitted together in a sneer, now gently dipped; he lifted the lid off the box and let it fall from his hand onto the floor, reaching inside to pull out a blue and black plaid dress shirt, a white undershirt, black slacks, and another, smaller box. Dorian went to work picking up all the garbage and stuffing it into the box, which he’d taken from John, saying with slight eagerness, “Try it on. I know they will all fit because I took your measurements, but I want to see if I got your colours right.”  
John first put on the undershirt, which fit like a glove, then tucked that into his pants, which also fit perfectly; after that, he slipped on the dress shirt, cuffing the sleeves and buttoning them just as Dorian appeared beside him, stepping around to be in front of him, an expression John had never seen clouding his face. He tore his gaze away from his partner to instead focus on trying to button his shirt, but as he went to do so, Dorian pushed his hands away, voice soft as he said, “Let me do it, man.”  
“I can…” John tried to protest, but the little laugh Dorian did rendered his mind useless, like he’d been somehow flipped into an alternate dimension where Dorian was human and they were dating. It… made him feel rather melancholy. Hardening his expression, he shook that out of his mind and turned his attention back to Dorian, who was staring at him as he buttoned his shirt, going slower than he felt was necessary. “What?” He kind of snapped.  
Looking down at his hands, Dorian shrugged a bit, that gentle countenance still softening his face. “Nothing.”  
Once he was done, he gave him a pat and said as he walked away, “Tuck it in, I’ll get your other gift to put on you.”  
Oh yeah, the other little box; John tucked in his shirt, trying to ignore how obviously his hands were trembling, taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady his nerves. He didn’t smoke, but _man_ did he need a cigarette right now… “Close your eyes,” Dorian’s voice was a whisper from behind him, all of the hairs on the back of John’s neck standing on end. He tensed, making his partner laugh a little starlight titter. “You don’t have to be scared, man. It’s just me.”  
John grumbled, rolling his eyes under his eyelids; he felt something light drape across his neck, then the gentle brushes of Dorian… tying, or clasping something near his hairline. Frowning, he asked, “Is this a necklace?”  
A brief pause, then Dorian answered, “Open your eyes and find out,”  
John did so, and as his fingertips caressed something small and metal on his chest, he looked down to see what it was.  
Strung on a tungsten chain was a sterling silver cursive J with white and black crystals set inside of it, and it was _beautiful._  
Eyes shooting open wide, John whipped around to face Dorian, who was simply standing beside him with a pleased expression, almost making him appear smug. He giggled, asking, “What?”  
John’s voice died in his throat as he tried to find the right words to say, but nothing could form in his mind; the way Dorian was looking at him, his face, that easy posture, it…  
But he was an android, and this… whatever it was, whatever the _fuck_ Dorian thought he was doing, there was nothing human about it, no matter how badly John thought he wanted it. He was just… lonely, that’s all. “D-Dorian…” He began, sucking air in through his teeth to corral his rampant thoughts and emotions; reaching up and around to unclasp the necklace, he said, forcing his tone steady, “I can’t accept this.”  
Dorian’s face fell, his lights going crazy as he cocked his head. “Why not? It’s a gift,”  
“Because, Dorian, this… you buying me this, choosing my clothes, doing all these things for me, it’s like--”  
“-- Like we’re dating?”  
John froze, staring the android down; his face was almost sad, like he was disappointed that John didn’t appreciate what he was doing for him, but why? It’s not like he hated it or anything, it wasn’t that, it just made him even more lonely than he’d been when he woke up from his coma to find Anna gone and their apartment empty. That was all he could think about when they were together, almost as though he wished Dorian was Anna and they were happily married with those two kids and a dog they’d always talked about having. As they made steady eye contact with each other, Dorian taking two steps into his personal space and settling his hand on his own that was holding the necklace, everything suddenly made sense. “I was waiting for you to get it,” Dorian’s tone sent shivers down his spine, taking his fist to loosen it, releasing the necklace into his own grasp and holding it between them, pupils still boring into his mind, like he could see every thought. “I figured you’d finally understand when I gave you this, but you’re even more dense than I thought.”  
“Dorian…” John breathed, but Dorian shushed him softly, leaning in to once again clasp the chain around him, closer than he’d ever been to him, feeling no breath on his face, but instead the heat of his internals running double-time, radiating warmth onto the skin of his face. He couldn’t look at him, even when Dorian took his chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted his face towards him. “You’re an android,” He said, lips a thin line. “Whatever it is that you think you’re feeling, it’s not real.”  
“I was made to feel, John,” Dorian brushed his lips over John’s cheeks, so soft and sweet, leading to his ear. “I think you like to forget that, so you do not have to acknowledge how you truly feel about me.”  
John tried to rip away from him, but Goddamn was Dorian strong, so his attempt was entirely in vain; jerking in the grip that his partner had on both of his arms, he sneered, anger doing what it always did and taking over his real feelings. “Don’t fucking try and assume how I feel, you fucking--”  
Before he could get the rest of his insult out, Dorian cut him off by pressing their lips together in a deep, bruising kiss, an involuntary whine escaping John’s throat.

In all of his memories and flashbacks of Anna, it was always Dorian taking her place.

A brief moment of reprieve of them pulling apart, John gasping lightly as Dorian said, eyelids low and brows dipped, mirroring John as though he were his reflection, “I can read you so easily, which is another thing you like to forget, John.”  
God, as hard as John tried to fight it, as much as his brain tried so desperately to tell him all the ways in which they wouldn’t work out, he shoved all of it out of his mind and gripped him on either side of his face, staring deep into his beautiful blue eyes like they were oxygen and begging in an almost demanding tone, “Just shut up and kiss me already, asshole.”  
“Of cou-”  
He didn’t let Dorian finish before he was yanking him back into that deep contact, lips smushed together and head slightly tilted, a trembling, desperate noise shaking out of him, causing Dorian to almost _groan,_ the sound rousing something dark from deep inside of John’s bones.  
They stayed that way for a bit longer, hands buried in hair and gripping clothes and skin, until John pulled away, breaths heavy and expression weak. “Jesus,” He huffed, lurid eyes gazing into Dorian’s. “Where’d you learn to kiss like that?”  
Dorian smirked, and John really wished that he didn’t look so hot when he did so. “That’s none of your business, Detective Kennex.”  
John laughed, subconsciously threading his fingers into Dorian’s thick, curly brown hair, the android gazing up at him with a countenance that John’s brain could only describe as adoring, his heart squeezing in his chest like he was in high school again. Embarrassing…  
Ringing of a phone snapped them out of their rosey haze, John quickly reaching into his back pocket to take out his phone-- oh shit. “Maldonado!” John said too loudly as he jumped away from Dorian, who did the same, straightening his clothes.  
_”You better be answering me from the middle of traffic, John,”_ She snapped, glaring at him. _”I thought that Dorian living with you would make you be on time, but I guess not.”_  
“My apologies Captain, we’re on our way now. There were some problems with John’s leg,” Dorian lied as he hopped into frame, looking as professional as always, even though they’d just been eating face like two middle schoolers during puberty.  
Upon seeing Dorian and hearing his response, Maldonado relaxed, her shoulders less tense. “Just be here in ten, or else.”  
“Yes, sir.” John said, and the conversation was over.  
“We should get going,” Dorian said, trailing his touch down to John’s hand, clasping tightly.  
As hard as he tried to not be flustered, John felt his face grow entirely red, Dorian’s reaction not letting him deny it even somewhat. “How old are you that you’re blushing like that?”  
John ripped his hand out of Dorian’s grip and headed out of his room, hearing Dorian break out into hearty laughter as he followed behind him. “Shut up and let's go!”  
As they left his apartment, Dorian said under his breath, probably not meaning for John to hear, “Yes, sweetheart.”  
John pretended he didn’t hear, but in his heart, he was swooning.

End


End file.
